11 Things I Wish Someone Would Have Told Me Before I Had Children

Having kids has been the best thing I have ever done with my life. It has also been the most time consuming, the most patience-testing, the most expensive and the most trying thing I have ever done with my life. My children are so active that sometimes I wonder if it is just us? I also wonder how people decide to have more than two kids. I also wonder why my boss doesn't give me a medal some days just for showing up.

I got tons of advice before I had children. None of it was any newsflash. And none of it helped me to prepare for actually having children. Here are the ten things I wish people WOULD have told me prior to having children.

1-You will never again sleep past 8 o'clock without some prior planning and or tag teaming. DH and I have designated sleep in days. He gets Saturday and I get Sunday. But for almost three years we hadn't figured that nugget out and when the kids got up we both got up. We are regular geniuses, eh?

2-Just because you put your kids to bed late does NOT mean that they will wake up late. I have put my kids to bed at ten PM only to have them still awake at 6:30. And you know what happens next right? Crankypants kids. Sometimes it takes two days for them to catch up on one late night. Boy, that sure is a motivator for turning in early.

3-You *might* never wear a bikini again. My mother-in-law loves to remind me that she wore a bikini until she was almost fifty and she bore four kids. Yes you heard that right. And I saw the pictures and she was pretty smokin' in that bikini. I always thought that wearing a bikini was up to the person. If you were motivated to wear a bikini then you worked out and watched what you ate and you could look fabulous. You can do anything that you put your mind to!! Sorry, no go. Having children is like rolling the sexy-dice, you might go back looking like your old self or you might end up disfigured and with stretch marks. I, gentle friends, am the latter. Thing 2 was so large that I stretched quite badly even though I did everything right. And because I have a relatively small frame but bore this massive man-child, my stomach now looks like someone has let the air out of it. So even though I still fit into my now 12-year-old bikinis, seeing me on a beach or community pool actually wearing one of them would be a not-good idea. 'She sure can clear a pool' is not a compliment.

4-One-piece swimsuits never look as good as the two-pieces. Now that I pretty much wear one pieces all the time, I must tell you, designers throw together their one piece designs after all the sexy two pieces are out of the way. And for a long waisted girl like me, I have to buy a size 10 or 12 just to get them to be long enough. Then the arm holes are too big or the leg holes stretch up super high resulting in a wedgie every time I take a step. Seriously? I am ready to leave the beach and put my shorts back on.

5-All the furniture that you own will be destroyed. I understood, babies mean baby-proofing. So I placed my grandmother's delicate and cherished Lladro figurines in the china cabinet out of reach. But I can't put the couch in the china cabinet. Can I? We got a lovely but not terribly expensive coffee table just before I got preggers with Thing 1. Today it has a warped panel from spilled milk and dozens of tiny teeth marks from when Thing 2 was teething. Our couch also wasn't super fancy, but we bought it new five years ago and didn't shop the sales. It now sags in the middle has huge rips in the fabric. And that doesn't even mention all the times one kid or another has peed on it. Yeah-you totally want to come over to my house don't you?

6-Baby gear has a two-kid life time. My heart bleeds for a third baby. But I do NOT think that will be happening unless we somehow hit the big time. Besides the obvious, needing a bigger apartment and car, we have nothing left from when Thing 1 was a baby. All of the gear we bought broke while Thing 2 was using it. The swing, the bouncy seat, the toys, the clothes, the high chair, the spoons and forks, you name it, it broke. So I get it. That third kid is an expensive endeavor making a fourth kid almost necessary to justify the expense. On the flip side, throwing away broken stuff has been far easier than throwing away treasured baby things that we no longer need. It isn't like I have the room to store all those treasured memories anyway.

7-You will never again have trouble falling asleep. Not much to say about that. When I finally get to sleep, I go to sleep. None of this tossing and turning bullshit.

8-Your boobs will not necessarily stay big. In fact they probably will shrink. My mother always told me that after she had kids her boobs stayed bigger than they were beforehand. I was ready for this!!! I am one of the founding members of the Itty-Bitty-Titty-Comittee, so this was one thing I was really hoping for after having children. However, I lost quite a bit of weight after having kids, more than I had gained in pregnancy. So my story isn't exactly like my mother's. In fact I found myself in Macy's eight or so months after Thing 1 was born saying to the sales woman 'My bras just aren't fitting right anymore.' She took one look at me and told me my problem, I was actually an A cup. Do you know that they don't make a whole lot of A cup bras? Fast forward to just a few months ago. I went to Bloomingdale's. I knew to ask for help since there were likely 5 bras in the whole store that would fit me. The woman measured me and asked me 'Have you ever considered trying petite bras?' I said 'Why would I? I am almost 5'8".' The ending of that story? Companies do make double A petite bras and almost no one stocks that size. Being me is so awesome, isn't it?

9-The terrible twos aren't the end of the story. The threes are pretty terrible too and even four can have its moments. I waited for Thing 1's third birthday singing a song about happy times are here again. And I discovered that three is worse that two. When your kids are two, they melt down over everything. And it is easy not to get sucked into their irrational spiral. You step over them writhing on the floor and wait for them to get over their tantrum. At three the tantrums become physical. They want candy, you say no, they run to the pantry and start climbing up the shelves in the cabinet. At four they give you three reasons why you should give them candy AND they ask nicely and when you still say no they go for broke screaming at the top of their lungs. Can someone please tell me that five is better? Six? I am ready for anything these days.

10-Nothing will ever be perfect. The only advice I ever give new or expecting parents is 'Never say never'. It is not a call to abandon principles but rather a reminder that sometimes when faced with difficult or stressful situations, you might make different choices than when you are still pregnant, calm and well rested. I never thought I would allow my kids to watch TV during dinner or get what they want after a tantrum, but every day is different and every situation is different. While a child can make a habit in just three or four days, many times that habit can also be broken in three or four days too.

11-Kids don't learn anything the first time you teach them something new. Okay, that might not be entirely true. But I think what it really means is that it takes kids longer than one time to learn anything. So don't stress if they don't learn right away or maybe you didn't explain it right the first time. It doesn't matter because you will get another chance to teach them again. And I am not talking about building block towers or writing the letter B, I am talking about being kind to friends, telling the truth and always doing your best. These are lessons that take years to learn, so get ready to teach them....over and over and over again.

A TRUE Junk Food Conversation With Thing 1

The hours between drop off and pick up are a bit of a mysteryto me. Thing 1 doesn't always tell me what he does, what he is learning about or who his friends are. I hear from the teachers of course, but Thing 1 doesn't let me in on everything. Then randomly he will dump alot of information out at once. Over dinner last week, Thing 1 had the following to say to me:

Me: {Thing 1}, what did you have for lunch today?

T1: Nothing.

Me: You didn't have very much of the lunch that I packed. Did you eat the school lunch?

T1: No I didn't.

Me: You know it's okay. You can tell me if you eat the school's food. It's okay.

T1: No I didn't. Maybe a little. They had chips.

Me: Okay. You had chips for lunch? You weren't hungry for anything else? You ate a big breakfast. Were you not hungry today? Do you usually get hungry before lunch?

T1: (Looking off in space, not really paying attention) Yes! Very Very Hungry!!

Me: {Thing 1} Do you have a morning snack at school? (BTW-I know they do).

T1: Yes, we do.

Me: What did you have for your snack today?

T1: Your apple.

Me: That's good. What do the other kids bring for snack? (sorry--I couldn't resist)

T1: (Without hesitation) They bring junk food.

Me: They do? {Thing 1} what do they bring?

T1: Like...fruit snacks and......marshmallows. Hahahahaha! That was {So an So..}

Me: {Thing 1}, do you like your apple?

T1: Yes.

What do you think of this interaction? Questions? Concerns?

How Do You Handle Treats For Your Kids?

I love a good sandwich for lunch. I especially love a sandwich with potato chips. Before I cleaned up my pantry I bought a 10 ounce bag of kettle chips about every other week. Today that seems excessive. I only buy them for special occassions now, a car trip or special picnic, a party, you know, something that feels out of the ordinary. After the inital shock to DH's system we no longer miss them. They are an awesome indulgence on occasion. Kettle Chips or Dirty Chips are the preffered brands because they fry in safflower, peanut or sunflower oil. These oils are not generally from genetically modified plants. Avoiding GMO's is our reason to avoid most fried foods. Most standard brands fry in soybean oil. Over 90% of the soybeans grown in the US are genetically modified.

The last time I bought potato chips I saw some troubling behavior from the Things. For lunch I gave them a meat, a cheese, a vegetable and some chips. It was an okay amount for a toddler, 4-5 chips. They ate the chips and clamoured for more!!

The conventional wisdom surrounding feeding young children is that they should be offered a variety of foods from a variety of food groups. When offered real foods they will choose among them and eat what they need. It is also believed that treats can be offered every now and again. Life should be enjoyed and banning foods can leading to hoarding behaviors. Furthermore many nutritionists suggest allowing a child to have as much as he or she wants of the food that is offered. If sweets and treats are offered less often, say 2-3 times per week, even a double serving of cake shouldn't be enough to wreck a good diet. I do all of these things. We limit sweets, I offer different simple meals with a variety of components, and we encourage the kids to eat until they want to stop, but that doesn't mean that the 'Feeding Sun' is always shining in our house.

There is nothing wrong with eating potato chips every now and then. I would go as far as to say that eating them even once a week will probably not make any noticible difference in your health or waistline. When I eat chips I like them along with other foods as part of a larger healthier meal. When my kids eat chips they sometimes go overboard. Or like the day in question, they refuse other food.

Upon the tantrums, that day, I told them that the chips were a treat and that they were part of a larger meal that they now needed to eat. I said that they could have more chips after they finished more of their meal. Thing 1 complied and earned more chips. Thing 2 did not and melted into a puddle on the floor.

Kids don't come with a developed standard operating system. They don't know that chips ought to be limited while salad should not. Heck some adults don't get that either. I have come to realize that treats of both the salty and sweet variety are probably best left to the end of a meal. Children younger than 5 don't always have the wherewithal to eat certain foods in moderation. You probably can't trust your toddler to eat a reasonable portion of anything that is super special and amazingly delicious like potato chips. If you don't want your kids eating too much, it is best just to not serve that treat. Or at least to do so less often and after a meal where you feel good about EVERY item that is served.

But that doesn't address the issue of portion control. I do not agree that we should offer foods and then just allow kids to just eat to their heart's content whenever given the opportunity. Sorry, I just don't buy it. This country has a massive cultural portion control problem. Suggesting that super young kids be allowed to make the call on how many pieces of cake they should eat is ludicrous. Yes, we do want them to each as much good healthy foods as they need while going through a growth spurt. And no, we do not want to encourage hoarding behaviors. BUT, I don't see anything wrong with telling your three year old 'You already had your piece of cake, if you are still hungry here are some carrots.' Your child might throw a fit. If you find the fit so unnerving or unacceptable then don't serve the cake. Or, you can choose this to be a teaching moment and allow him both the cake and the fit. Most kids will 'get it' after a while, cake is a special cherished item not a free-for-all.

I have grown to despise the term 'everything in moderation' because there are clearly foods that should not be eaten in moderation, like vegetables and fresh water. Vegetables are always a 'green light' food in my mind. Go to town. Stuff your face. Every diet I know of is in need of greens. No need to moderate there. Then again, animal protein is also a food that you need for health. (Sorry vegetarians and vegans, I really am....I am willing to listen if you are willing to school me!) But one does not need too much animal protein and again, going overboard doesn't support good health. And then there is junk food. A little won't hurt you, but you don't need it and too much can be detrimental. So this BS idea of everything in moderation doesn't really make much sense. Vegetables should not be eaten in moderation, they should be embraced. Cake and cookies should be eaten in moderation, it is okay to limit them.

Our kids NEED us to teach them which are green light foods, yellow light foods and red light foods. They need us to present a family culture in which everyone only eats one piece of cake. It will not warp your kid to tell them, 'you have had enough candy'. There are many cultures that do well in teaching their young 'how to eat', ours ain't one of 'em. As children get older they begin to adopt the behaviors that they have been repeatedly shown. Don't you want them to feel confident in heathy choices with few mixed messages? Of course there will be times when they go overboard and have too much sweet or rich food. At that point, their bodies negative reaction will only reinforce the lessons of moderation that you the parent will have already put in place.

How do you handle treats with your children?

This post is shared with Fight Back Fridays, Real Food Wednesdays and Healthy 2day Wednesdays

Whaddya Do When Your Kid Doesn't Eat?

I keep looking over my shoulder. Because I have been here before.



When Thing 1 was born I got an epidural, much to my disappointment. He came out groggy and lethargic. He had trouble latching. I had trouble keeping him awake for feedings. He slept so much, but only when I had things to do. Whenever I laid down to rest with him he would wake up and howl.



I made every mistake in the book with Thing 1. I tried keeping him on a schedule, rather than nursing on demand. I introduced the bottle too soon. I gave supplemental bottles too often. Nursing and working and pumping all day were really hard. Like evil awful terrible hard. But to my amazement my kid who was always in the 40th percentile for weight and the 90th percentile for height ate solids pretty well. And when he transitioned to table foods he would eat broccoli and corn and even spinach in his 'baby soup', just not much at all, sometimes only 3-4 bites.



When I got pregnant with Thing 2, working and caring for my older son became a true challenge. I was wrecked and pulled in a million different directions. I started relying a little more heavily on the hormone free chicken nuggets and the nitrate free hot dogs and the organic frozen pizzas. Thing 1 was never a GREAT eater. But serving him these processed foods made me feel like I was getting something into him. He didn't like soft mashed foods, he didn't like meat if it was too grainy, certain vegetables he flat out refused. Every meal time was a difficulty. He would refuse to feed himself. He cried and thrashed so badly that we kept him strapped into a high chair until he was three. But I blamed myself. 'If I had offered him better foods he would be eating kale and roasted chicken and sweet potatoes. I served him junk and so he eats junk' I told myself. But being a pregnant mommy, working full time and then bringing home another baby two days after Thing 1's second birthday proved too much stress. I didn't have the energy to clean up our food act.



It wasn't until much later, when Thing 2 started table foods, thatI realized we needed to make a change. I didn't want to give my 9 month old processed foods. That is when I started the blog. I didn't (and still don't) plan on getting pregnant again and so I was sure that I could keep Thing 2 on a straight and narrow food path.



I am pleased to say that I delivered Thing 2 without the aid of an epidural. I really got the birth that I had wanted, the birth I was unprepared and uneducated to perform the first time around. Thing 2 came out super fat, 10 days before his due date and 9 pounds 3 ounces. He, naturally, came out hungry and latched on right away in the delivery room. Our time in the hospital together was almost like being at a hotel. The staff was supportive and friendly. And I just nursed around the clock with the confidence of a mom who'd been around the block before.



Thing 2 was a fantastic nurser. He maneuvered between the breast and the bottle effortlessly. Pumping at work proved to be no problem. And unlike when Thing 1 was born I had no supply problems. When he switched to solid foods he ate like a champ. And even the switch to solid foods was easy. He ate everything and in such great quantities! Mashed avocado, bananas, beans and rice, finely chopped poultry, mashed potatoes and sweet potatoes, all fruits. I never had a shortage of things to feed him. I could always take one or two of the elements of our dinner and put something nutritious together for him. And when he started to feed himself he ate most of the same things, but loved my cumin patties and he never minded when I slipped kale into his smoothies. I noticed early on that he wasn't crazy about vegetables and he flat out refused the baby soup. But his love of fruits and berries was good enough for me. What a good mother I was to my good eater! He had favorites and would stuff himself on those items, Thing 1 was never like that. Even with his favorite foods he would never just eat for the sake of eating.



Then it happened, one day right around the time that Thing 2 was 18 months old. He just stopped eating. Ironically it was around the same time that Thing 1 started eating more rationally. So I had the sense that there would be some difficult times even for my good eater. I gritted my teeth, but did things slightly differently.



1-I didn't force him to eat. I figured that if he was hungry he would eat. Unfortunately our babysitter often fills him up with snacks in the late afternoon, even though I have discussed my concerns with her. She agrees but bad habits die hard. And anyone who works knows that a problem with snacks is no reason to fire or reprimand a long time babysitter who truly loves your kids and whom your kids truly love. Besides, he doesn't eat lunch for her and she has a hard time just letting him go hungry.



2-No time outs for food related offenses. It was obvious (to at least me) that Thing 1's issues were behavior related, not food related. He would get time outs for throwing food or purposefully spilling his glass of milk, for example. He would act out with his food. Thing 2 never did any of those things. He just doesn't eat. Even in my most stressful moments I didn't feel like it was right to punish him for not eating.



3-I didn't force him to stay in the high chair. At a certain point he refused to stay strapped into his chair. And so we just got rid of it. The month afterwards was hard. He ran all over the house and still wouldn't eat. I spent more time out of my chair than in it. But that's getting better now.



4-No special dinners. That one goes without saying. I believe that everyone in the family should have the same dinner, but there should be elements in each meal that appeal to each of the different diners. I try to make sure that there are nutritious things on each person's plate that each one will like and eat, even if it isn't everything that is served.



But even with some of these common sense measures, the kid just doesn't eat. And the list of things he will eat is awfully short. Today he will eat hot dogs (the ones I get are from a biodynamic organic local farm), turkey sausage, all whole fruits except blueberries and honeydew melon for some reason, and wheat in general. He will sometimes tolerate Greek yogurt, hummus, nitrate free deli meat and pasta sauces, but those are hot and cold. Oh! And milk. He would drink milk instead of eating all day if he could. This prompted me to think that maybe he was drinking too much milk. So I moved away from sippy cups to straw cups, now he won't always finish his milk. He doesn't always accept the straw cups. And I started reducing the number of ounces he gets in a day. He drinks between 12-14 ounces of milk in a day, so I highly doubt that he is drowning his appetite.And now it is getting worse. His eating habits now seem preferential and purposeful. It doesn't seem to matter if he is hungry, he simply will not eat what he doesn't care for. Last week he ate breakfast, no lunch and no snack and I caved and made his favorite turkey sausage for dinner. He was ravenous. Had I made something else he would have probably gone to bed hungry.



Thing 2 is not unhealthy. His weight is good, so I am not worried about that. Though he has thinned out alot in the last few months as a result of a growth spurt and eating less. But he eats zero vegetables that haven't been pureed and hidden in something and he seems so picky that I am nervous about building good eating habits. I thought I had done everything right. I didn't get lazy and serve him lousy food. But now my weekly dinner rotation is a painful 4 or 5 dishes that I know he'll eat, so I feel stuck in the same rut I was with Thing 1. I don't think it is fair to serve him summer squash and swiss chard pizza with feta cheese when I know he will just starve for the night.



Fortunately though, he always eats breakfast. He will eat my 'green eggs' even if I load them with kale and onions. He always finishes his overnight pancakes. Oatmeal is a fav too. French toast is also a big hit. Usually even if he hasn't eaten in 18 hours I know I can get some protein and fat into him during breakfast.



So my conclusions? Maybe I wasn't to blame for Thing 1's poor eating habits. I did my best by him and got through a particularly stressful time in our lives. I kept him fed and served him mostly good pastured meats. So even though he had a love affair with turkey Bologna, maybe it is time that I stop blaming myself. And again with Thing 1, he eats veggies really well. Today we have moved forward from his standard broccoli and corn. He eats green beans, celery, cucumbers and carrots. He still likes the 'baby soup', and eats whatever I throw into that. Now though I make the broth with pastured chicken feet and he adores it. Maybe I shouldn't beat myself up over his food transgressions, but perhaps I also cannot take credit for his good eating habits. I am simply the cook. I make the food and he chooses what to eat. Perhaps no parent should pat themselves on the back for having 'good eaters', because it isn't really up to you at all. Besides is such a distinction fair to a parent like me who bore such lousy eaters, even though I cook like mad and model such good behavior for my children?



Thing 2 is so young, it is frustrating to see him struggle with eating. It really upsets me to see him refuse foods that I know he used to love. I worry that this is truly who he is. I worry that he will not follow the same pattern as his brother and just work his way out of this. I worry I will be fighting over vegetable consumption for the next 16 years. I get so irritable that he prefers one plate or cup over another. I get so irritable that his choices seem so random. But perhaps it really has nothing to do with me. Dear Lord, please help me to breathe today.



This post is shared with Traditional Tuesdays and Real Food Wednesdays and Fight Back Fridays

'Pocahontas' Is a Fairly Decent Movie If You Are a Naturalist, Not a Historian...Or a Feminist

Last Friday I had the pleasure of staying home with my kids. We had nothing special planned, I took Thing 1 to school, made a short run downtown with Thing 2 and managed to still observe our Nanny's beloved 'Pizza Fridays'. You know, a normal weekday.

As a working parent I love being home for these normal days. I don't like the idea of disrupting my kids lives just because I get a day off work. I rather like the idea of coming in and doing exactly what they would expect on a Thursday or a Monday. I often (when needed) stay home when our nanny is sick or when we are snowed in and I don't try to schedule in trips to cool stores or museum visits all the time. Sometimes we do that kind of stuff, but mostly I like to stay around the neighborhood and hang out at the playgrounds and run into the friends that they would have seen anyway. I guess it makes me feel closer to them knowing all the things that are familiar about their day.

Last Friday however it was 103 degrees!!!! Jesus, Mary and Joseph it was the hottest day I can remember not being in air conditioning in all of my adult life. We have AC in our apartment, but I was out running errands, etc. Before around 11 it was still in the nineties and we actually felt okay. But by Noon it had definitely cracked 100 and I said to Thing 2 "We should take the bus to pick up your brother, rather than walk the 10 blocks there and 10 blocks back.' Thing 2 was SO excited. He pratically ran to the bus stop saying 'Dus, dus, dus, dus, dus" the whole way. This kid loves transportation.

The ride there was lovely, 4 minutes long, awesome. Going home was a different matter. We waited for the bus in 103 degree (or more) heat for 25 minutes!! I wish numbers came with capital letters, because I want to be more emphatic than that. TWENTY FIVE MINUTES!!! The kids were freaking (so was I) and by the time I got on the bus we all three of us were red faced, dehydrated and ready for a nap. It is funny how only one of us actually got a nap though.

Since the heat was so harrowing I decided to forgo any trips out of the house in the afternoon and I hatched a plan to watch a movie. Now I know many parents who wouldn't find this such a revolutionary idea. But DH works in the film and TV industry (trust me, it isn't a glamourous job at all, it is more of a 5am to 10pm, dealing with angry teamsters kind of a job) and he would like nothing more than to watch a full length animated feature with his two sons. But after 20 minutes Thing 1 is taking the cushions off the couch and building a trampoline while Thing 2 is screaming nonsensical jibberish at his trains because he cannot hook them up and get them to stay hooked up. While the kids have been successful in watching one 70 minute animated movie (once), it isn't like we just pop in a DVD all the time and let the boob tube babysit them. If my kids would sit still on the couch and drool while watching TV it is likely that I would just keep the idiot box on for like 6 hours in a row. But they don't. They climb the bookshelves and hit each other and scream at us, so we use it for short(ish) intervals only. Though folks I fully admit that they do get more than the 2 recommended hours a day, virtually every day. We just break it up throughout the day.

But given the heat I thought a movie might be in order. Though Thing 1 protested, I selected 'Pochahontas'. I noticed that there was a preview option. I played the 90 second scene amidst many protests. It was some John Smith and Pocahantas scene designed to hook a five year old little girl, and afterwards Thing 1 was begging to watch the movie. And we did. Well, all except for a pivitol scene when the kids got interested in their toys. Thing 1 and I were both very confused about why he returned to London injured as we didn't remember a battle scene. Anyhow, we loved the movie. But the take home for me was different than I had expected.

I had never seen the movie all the way through. I think I was in junior high maybe when Pocahontas came out? I was definitely not young enough to have been motivated to see it in the theatres but that damn Vanessa Williams song still played on all the radio stations. When I was younger the phrase "You can own the earth and still all you own is earth until, you can paint with all the colors of the wind' stirred up images of walking through the woods and being in tune with nature, respecting wilderness, seeing animals. I imagined wild places where humans don't live, as though there was a difference between these preserved places and the streets and suburbs where humanity reigns. Today I hear this phrase and it is clear to me that the Earth all around us, wherever we are, is alive. The dirt is a mix of microscopic animals and bacteria and tiny plants and fungus that all contribute to the life which grows from it, both the plants directly and indirectly the animlas that eat the plants. Even in the completely tamed city and the mostly tamed suburbs, we are so much more a part of the life cycle than we know. Being in tune with nature isn't about cleaning up your campsite and making sure you don't smoke in a forest (though both of those things are good ideas). It is aabout understanding the connection that we all have with the Earth. And I also believe it is about eating plants and animals raised in a natural, ethical way with farming that focuses on zero waste. The health of the land is paramount.

The whole movie just struck me. The White people were painted as such savages, tearing down trees and uprooting the land, not to mention killing first. And while the natives were clearly mroe adapted to the land (for obvious reasons), Disney also made them out to be looking for a battle, so I didn't feel like the story was set up to shame white people while being inaccurate. The dipiction of the conflict seemed fairly accurate. I found it an easy way to start to talk to Thing 1 about race and to introduce the phrase 'white people'. While I have started to talk to him about race, I am admittedly uncomfortable with the color terminology. While in my "enlightened mind" I think he should identify himself as Irish of German or American, really on every form he will ever fill out, Thing 1 is just 'white'. He might as well hear the phrase from me, right?

But what points Pocahontas wins in art style it loses in overall historical accuracy and female objectification. Seriously? Pocahontas is a brick house! She looks like a ridiculously good looking barbie doll and completely and bizarrely mismatched with her more normal looking relatives and friends. Pocahontas's breasts are in fact so large (with cleavage showing out of her one shoulder dress) that I questioned did her look offend the modern day Powhatan Tribe? My guess is yes. And with the terribly short hem to her dress and seams cut up the sides, the effect was much like she was wearing a men's shirt for a dress. She is drawn to be very sexy, but I am uncomfortable by this tiresome image of female sexuality. I beat myself up over weighing 142 pounds yet even our f*#@ing kids movies show us that all the females of value to society are 36-24-36. Our four year olds, both boys and girls, are programmed to think this is what adult women look like. Sorry, most models are freaks of natures. They are beautiful genetic abnormalities that are airbrushed like crazy while the rest of us suck down diet pills and run on treadmills until we pass out to emulate their looks.

And the real story of Pocahontas is completely different. In this article published on the website of the Powhatan tribe, they claim the the story that Pocahontas saved John Smith from being beaten to death by her own people was a complete false hood. In fact she married a different, John Rolfe. And she married him only as a condition of her RELEASE. You see she was being held captive in the Jamestown colony. in 1616 she traveled to London and served as propaganda to support the colony's interests at home. But she became ill on the voyage and died in Gravesend. Her grave was destroyed when the church where she was buried was reconstructed.

So you see, I have some issues with the movie. But I was happy to avoid the heat last week. Maybe next time I will pop on The Secret of NIMH (a personal favorite) or The Wizard of Oz (an ALL TIME personal favorite). I don't think I am going to be pushing Pocahontas as a repeated favorite.

My Kids (and I) Ruin Everything

My weekend sort of unofficially started Thursday evening. DH and I made dinner which NO ONE wanted to eat. The screamed, they fussed. They got up out of their chairs and ran around. Thing 1 had one time out that lasted for at least ten minutes because he insisted on leaving the corner, only to make us start the time out over. Thing 2 didn’t actually eat anything, which I wish I could say was a rarity. I joke now that he eats breakfast, morning snack, afternoon snack and nothing else. I suppose that is three meals, no? Since Thing 1 did eat dinner, so he had some kefir ice cream after dinner. But Thing 2 did not. Thing 2 went ballistic. This loveliness was followed by a bath in which there was hitting and water dumping. I was completely wet, which was enough to make me fly off the handle. Sweet huh?

Then at 8pm, just as the kids are getting settled into their beds, I realize I have forgotten a very important Skype date with my family. Like plum forgotten. I got the kids out of bed and we managed to work in a quick speakerphone phone call. I felt so guilty. Terrible in fact, I cried about it.

Around 3:45am, Thing 1 came into our bed. He was completely naked, holding a fresh set of new clothes. I wasn’t actually surprised. I had run out of overnight diapers and we had had a tremendous battle over a stupid glass of water the night before. His bed was soaked, he had no where else to sleep. He moved into our bed. Thing 1 punched me, he kicked me, he ended up sleeping sideways on our bed with his feet resting in my armpits and his head in DH’s back. He finally fell asleep at 4:50am. Which happened to be 10 minutes before my alarm went off. I never had gone back to sleep. I had made plans to meet a girlfriend early for a run in the park. If I hadn’t made plans to run with her I would have totally scaled exercise that morning.

While the kids were okay Saturday behavior-wise, we were out running errands in the morning when I texted a good friend about her son’s birthday party that day. “Where and when again?” I asked her. I didn’t receive a reply. Around one with the kids either asleep or out with Daddy I brought up the evite to be sure of what time the party was. OMG. The party was at 9am. We missed our friend’s son’s 4th birthday party? What kind of lousy mom misses something like that? It was treasonous.

Sunday started out overnight again, with Thing 1 coming into our bed at 1am, naked but this time holding no clothes. He had an overnight diaper by this point, so I am not sure how this all happened. But there he was again, kicking and punching us. DH and I were not happy. But I think that made it all the more stressful for Thing 1, because with his wet bed he didn’t really have any other place to sleep. I *almost* went and slept on the couch. But I didn’t. I should have, I felt wretched in the morning. And Thing 2 awoke at 5:15am in his crib to see his big brother gone. He assumed that he had overslept and everyone else must be up. He would not go back to sleep.

Sunday morning started well enough, a little sleep deprived, but nothing a little coffee couldn’t fix. But the day really started turning south when at my mother in law’s house Thing 1 tripped on her fan and broke it. He didn’t mean to trip on the fan, but it wasn’t a complete accident either. We went to 4 stores to find one that was suitable to replace it. And finally, Thing 1 refused to go up to my MIL’s apartment and give her the new fan. Let’s just say he didn’t win that fight.
Later in the afternoon we met my brother in law and his kids at the local pool, the Things had a blast. Only Thing 1 started choking on some pool water he swallowed and he threw up in the pool. DH swears that other parents picked up their tots and ran for cover. They closed the pool for 30 minutes.

Then when we came home, a full 5 hours after the original schedule, there were more hysterics, more punch-up drenching baths and maybe a hot dog or two was consumed. Currently I am running 5 loads of wash downstairs in our laundry room, much of which is soaked in toddler urine. So when I sat down to write something for the blog today, I just couldn’t write about finding chamomile at the farmer’s market (you know how to brew a cup of tea). I couldn’t produce a post about how it is sour cherry season or brag that I bought 3.5 pounds of them this weekend, pitted them and froze them. And I couldn’t post about the summer squash, kale and snow peas I sautéed in tomato basil sauce and served with pasta. I am way too tired. I feel completely overwhelmed right now. Overwhelmed by the sleep deprivation, overwhelmed by cramming a work week into three days, overwhelmed by housecleaning, overwhelmed by carrying my kids EVERYWHERE because they refuse to walk. No, writing about sweet, pretty food topics just didn’t seem right. My heart wasn’t in it. It just wasn’t….funny enough.

I Am Far Too Serious

In my younger years I was impossibly independent. After graduating college I found a crummy full time job with benefits and got a teeny apartment in New Jersey. While many twenty-somethings over spend or try and simulate the adult experience by going to bars and clubs, I caught the bus home every night and got to work on time every day. That's not to say that I didn't have friends or didn't go out and have fun. But I was never a partier. I worked hard, looked out for myself and tried to make good practical decisions.

My mother accused me of being too serious on many occasions. She wanted to see me date and laugh and not take life too seriously. Yet I couldn't change my stripes, my heart wasn't looking for fun and lightness. My heart searched for smart job opportunities and true love. I met DH 2 months after my 22nd birthday. Before I met him I was convinced that I would be an old maid. I readied myself for never finding the right person. And I told myself that my life would brilliant no matter who wanted to come along for the ride. Today that seems silly, because decades are long and life's experiences are so varied. But at the time the possibility seemed very real.

I have been with my wonderful husband for virtually all my adult life. And though he is several years older than me, I have joked many times that I helped him to grow up while he helped me to grow young. We complement each other nicely. DH has added true unconditional love to my life in such a beautiful way. I am grateful for him each and every day. And since my husband works in the film industry on my mother's all time favorite TV show, I am pretty sure that she would approve. And it is even more probable that she had something to do with our chance meeting from the great beyond.

But meeting your husband at 22 and getting married at 25, and having two kids by 30 while being a young professional in New York has indulged my serious side. At almost 32 now I understand what my mother was talking about all those years ago. As an adult, life requires that you be responsible and get bills and applications in on time. Youth is a wonderful time where you can explore and have fun and act like a hot mess with little to no consequences. I wish I could go back to the young girl of 20 or 21 and tell her to loosen up a little. One's grip on life needn't be so tight, because life is also holding onto to you.

Yet as a mother I fear that I am sending my children mixed messages on the topic. Thing 1 is energetic and free spirited but also very sensitive and serious just like I was. He is highly empathetic just like I was. I fear that as he grows up he will be locked in the same race to grow up. The mixed message? Because he competes for my attention with his baby brother, he does babyish things and I rarely indulge him. The other night he asked for water. Ok, that's never a problem. But he wanted it in a sippy cup. He doesn't really use a sippy cup anymore unless we are in the car or out and about. I didn't want to have to clean a sippy just for what I knew would be two sips of water. And he melted down on the floor before he resigned to drink his water out of a big boy cup.

Why did I do that? It was a cup of water. Shouldn't I pick my battles? And what would I have done had Thing 2 had asked the same question? I would have given him the sippy almost undoubtedly.

Thing 2 even at 18 months seems more practical. He figures out the quickest ways to accomplish things and all with little fanfare. He cuddles and is sensitive, yet he doesn’t want to be babied like Thing 1. Perhaps this is just the way it goes with the second child. But as a mother I am conflicted about my reaction to it. I end up saying ‘No’ to Thing 1 a lot and ‘Yes” to Thing 2 more often. And as a second child myself I was always very sensitive when my parents did the same to me.

I believe that kids are different. Everything from rewards and discipline to games and learning are different from child to child. One thing I am usually good at doing is tailoring my approach so that each kid (or person, cause you gotta do this at work too) gets the communication style that they need. And even if I still choose to have the fight, I probably need to frame things better for Thing 1. Instead of showing him my irritation, I should talk more sweetly, regardless of what I am trying to tell him. Because while I have been good about not yelling lately, I do still probably show how irritated I am more often than I ought to.

There really is an ebb and flow to parenting. Some days there is calm while others are chaos. And growing up and gaining maturity looks a lot more like the up and down of a stock market chart than a smooth line showing a little bit of growth every day. Just after Thing 1 was born I read that parenting is different than any other job you’ll ever do because there is no learning curve. As an example, in the beginning diapering is a challenge. As you learn to diaper a still baby, then your baby begins to roll. When you learn to diaper a rolling baby then your baby begins to stand. As you learn to diaper a standing baby they start walking away from you. And then by the time you have figured that one out they are done with diapers altogether. I can’t remember where I read this now, so I apologize to the original author. Plagiarism was not my original intent.

I only hope that as I learn to be a better parent I can become more like that girl my mother always wanted me to be—fun and carefree, confident and self reliant. I keep becoming a better parent each day, so I know if I want my sons to embrace their lighter side, I need to be able to reach my own. And I promise to indulge in a little spoiling now and again too.